What is Passing about?

Mari · Guest

pass�ing �� (psng) KEY �

ADJECTIVE:

Moving by; going past: The child waved to the passing cars.
Of brief duration; transitory: a passing fancy.
Cursory or superficial; casual: a passing glance.
Allowing one to pass a test, course of study, inspection, or examination; satisfactory: a passing grade.
Archaic Very or great; surpassing: "'Tis a passing shame" (Shakespeare).
ADVERB:

Very; surpassingly: "I will mention only one particular aspect of the current mess because ... this one is surely something new and passing strange" (Walker Percy).
NOUN:

The act of one that passes or the fact of having passed: the passing of another summer.
A place where or a means by which one can pass.
Death.

IDIOM:
in passing
While going by; incidentally.
(http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/passing)

What is Passing really about and why is it seemingly so important to pass? Does passing make you feel any better or more secure? What do you class as 'passing'? What level of passing is acceptable to you?

Moreso, what happens when you cant pass, or dont pass, and does it really have to limit your choices regarding your gender enquiry?

Jade_Starr · Posted: Jul 01, 2008 2:18 pm Post subject:

Passing to me is being happy with oneself and not giving a shit about what others think. Nobody has endless days of satisfaction with themselves, we all wake up and have bad days physically and emotionally. I don't even think I use the term passing as I have lived now as a woman for almost 6 years, therefore I am a woman and what anybody says from moving cars or to my face matters not. My life does not revolve around passing in public because mostly people in society are brainwashed idiots so their opinion matters not. It's been so long since I was threatened verbally or physically in public I tend to forget I'm trans and just get on with life. Smile

Claire_2 · Posted: Jul 01, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject:

Passing.
Lots of things account for passing i guess.

There used to be a pin up of Tula, the bond model on the back of the loading dock bay at newcastle university when i worked there, which I read the nano second I clapped eyes on it.
This is before i transitioned.
The guys took me asside and asked me what i thought of the picture like it was a joke that they sprung on new employees.
Of course I knew that she was a transsexual.
I'd never seen a photograph of her before so i didn't know it was Tula.
But i knew she was a transsexual.
She's used to be a fasion model, and I read her when i saw that pic.
They guys were surprised that I read her.
So it goes to proove that even she wasn't 100 percent passable 100 percent of the time to 100 percent of people.
And no one ever is.

I've lived as a woman for neary 11 years and (knock on wood) I've never had anyone abuse me, or the like. Not that it would never happen, just that at this juncture in time it hasn't happened yet.
I think that confidence is a large part of the issue.
If you're confident no one is going to say anything to you.
If they're checking you out they're probably fancying you, not reading you.

I actually had someone do a double take on me on oxford street on a friday night about a month ago.
I don't generally go around wondering if i'm being read, so when someone does a double take and makes direct eye contact with you in a pointed way; they are actually trying to say something to you to get a reaction.
Or to let you know that you aren't foolng them.
Its not odd to see a transsexual on oxford street on a friday night.
Guy was just being a jerk, who was looking for a reaction.
If you're confident enough that a pointed double take bounces off like you're made out of teflon and you're actually even slightly bemused by their little games, they'll give up really fast.
Who really cares if one person reads me, because 99 percent of people don't.
Or if they do they don't care, so why should I?
If someone is being a jerk....feel sorry for them.
Besides which, I don't need his approval.

Claire

Rhiannon · Posted: Jul 01, 2008 3:57 pm Post subject:

This for me was something I discovered many years ago on a UK website...

Well he is unlikely to have had anything like as much practice, as a real woman. It's not his fault if he is tall, has no clothes sense, or looks as butch normally as the family dog. I know plenty of women who look that way, don't you? It is amazing how well they can be transformed though, with the right expertise. We unconsciously think of very "feminine" as meaning having model girl looks, because 99% of advertising images show women as gorgeous. But what do women really look like? To test this, I took copies of some passport type photos of women trying to look their best, recently submitted by them to encourage people to vote for them in an election. Now ask yourself, how many of them could be men dressed as women! At least three, and one may be a woman dressed as a man, I would have said.
Ladies, if you look at a bunch of typical cross-dressing men, they won't look any worse! The point I am making here is: some people expect too much. Anyway I thought it was men who go only by looks?

Here is the link well worth a look. http://www.ladylike.org.uk/pages/convincing.html

The point of passing is generally in our own heads, the princess or model syndrome combined with the relentlass media and advertising of what defines man and woman, the truth is without very expensive surgery we will always just look like ordinary people male or female.
It is true that elements in the community go to great lenghts to live in stealth and view the chance of being read as anything other than what they want to be as being truely horrific, in the long run they do more harm than good as we then run into all the troubles of being an invisible enitity trying to gain a voice.
Best to be yourself and self identify if someone has a probelm with that it's their problem not yours.

Wendy_3 · Posted: Jul 01, 2008 5:13 pm Post subject: What is passing about

Ladies,
Some really excellent posts.

For me passing was intially and totally focussed on trying to look and act as femine as possible.
However, that changed after about 12 months when after a bit of soul searching I came to the conclusion that passing was in fact about acceptance of yourself. As a crossdresser, I am both male and female and I am comfortable with the latter, Wendy is a part of me which I wholly accept.
Whilst I try to be as passable as possible (dress, make-up, wig, deportment, etc) I do not concern myself if I am read, I just simply smile and accept.
There are some girls that have excellent attributes (Jade & Claire come to mind quickly) where passing in the physical sense seems like second nature and I am envious of these girls. Others are blessed with the correct attributes and manage those attributes to their advantage. On the other side of the spectrum are those who will have difficulty passing but go out and have no fear of the outside world. I believe it is because of the inner acceptance.
As previous posts have stated, there a some "creeps" out there but if you have confidence (and I call that inner acceptance) that will shine through and you won't have problems.

Now I better get back to making myself as passable as I can ..... hehehe

Wendy
Smile

Jade_Starr · Posted: Jul 03, 2008 10:41 am Post subject:

Great posts gals. I'm totally with you Wendy, self acceptance is the hardest part of passing. Well it surely has proven a tough one for me as my life as a male was very angry and reactionary. I used to want people to pay attention to me as a male. no wonder I was covered in facial piercings with dreadlocks. Quite ironic really cause now I just want to drift by in society with nobody noticing.

I admit this has been a very tough ask for me and something I've battled with. I am fully aware now that I was more of the cause or reactions from people in public because I was set in defense mode. Ready to pounce on anybody who gave me a sideways glance or hurled abuse. I attracted the negativity, so once I began to change that pattern for myself very quickly the drama around being in public soon vanished.

I see genetic women everyday that look like my dad. Hair on their faces. massive hands and nobody looks at them as if they are trans. I guess many trans people come to realize this once they begin to surface from the closet. How many times have you seen girls go out for the first time absolutely petrified only to have the best time. It's normally these first timers who see quickly that the fear they had was not needed and before long they are out again before the snowball effect begins.

Passing comes back to loving yourself, being kind to yourself, accepting yourself and just getting on with it. sure comments can hurt cause not everyday do we feel great about ourselves no matter how good to ourselves we are. As Claire said just laughing it off does it for me now.. even smiling or winking LOL..

Cool thread Smile

Alice · Posted: Jul 03, 2008 10:01 pm Post subject:

Mari · Guest

I am feeling the need to ask those who feel that they dont fully pass how they feel about it? What do they feel is not so passable about themselves, or what rules them out from feeling that they pass?

Most importantly, how do they feel about those that they feel are more passable than themselves?

I myself feel I may pass under a cursory scrutiny but know that my height, size and shoe size make passing under closer scrutiny a much harder thing, and while I envy those trans who pass as genetic females easier, I dont have it in my heart to resent their luck in doing so.

When I am out and about, my 'trans-radar' is always on, on the lookout for other transpeople, and I freely admit checking out how well they 'pass' to my own personal definition of what I feel is passing.

For example, are they a 'dragqueen', a 'scared rabbit' type about to run if their presentation is questioned, or are they 'out and proud'? I love watching them all and seeing their reactions to everything around them, including myself.

I understand where so many here are coming from with their desire to pass well enough so as to disappear into the community at large, but the practicality is that most of us honestly dont and cannot pass that well, and as such maybe an open pride in being seen as a transgender can be a shield to stand behind in the face of some of the hardships that we face in our day to day lives as visibly 'out' transpeople in todays society.

Peta_2 · Posted: Jul 04, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject:

Hi everyone. Just a thought on this "passing" thing if you don't mind. As a few others have said, self confidence is the biggest key to going out in public if you want to. At least, that's been my experience. I went out years ago for the first time at 23 years and had no worries at all because I was young. Nowadays, at 38, I did seriously wonder about what others would see because 22 years of fixing trucks and buses does show. The thing I found on a personal basis, was that I quite simply took some time to slowly work out my appearance with clothes as well as make up and then I just got up and went out one day on my own. It was way out of my comfort zone after being basically closeted for so long, but it was the best thing I ever did.

What I have learnt since is to not worry about others when I'm out doing whatever and so far[since March 08] I haven't had a problem, even in Western Sydney. Sure, one day I'll get picked but I don't see it as an issue now because a little bit of street smartedness always helps. If you are worried about your appearance, could I suggest that you get together with your friends and have a talk about it on a serious basis. Maybe all that you need is different hair or make up and that's all. I've asked a few people and got some good answers, so that helped me, but I have had some criticisms as well and it all helped.

Also, don't continually look around to see if people are looking at you when you go out, it does draw unnecessary attention.

Hope this helps with anyones thoughts, Peta.

noeleena · Posted: Jul 04, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject:

hi... wether you . so called ... pass ...for some yes its very important some others may be not. what i would say is .. self acceptince would be the most important thing first . how you see your self . for me. in some ways yes i pass in others no.. yet . i am accepted for who i am , now that is what it is all about i am involved with a lot of womens groups in the main i am accepted just as a women . i know some of you know how open i am you know i am a women you accept me & trust me now thats a big thing for me ...trust... thank you . what i would like to see is. you look in side of your selfs & think this is who i am . then. as you see your self & under stand your self then go on from there & here is what will happen . is you will grow. for me i am growing as a women & . ...yea ...its neat . that is self acceptince. yes it takes time lots of for me over 11 years to get to where i am today i have had to learn look at things in a way i have not seen . its the all of the person not just some bits its all of us inside..as we talk about things we will see what those things are thern come to .. hey this ...is ...me well . you in this case....noeleena...

Mari · Guest

I am wondering about something that has come up in discussion IRL(in real life) regarding passing.

Does denial of the past, and playing a 'role' so as to deflect attention from the fact that you may be transgender become integral to many transpersons idea of what constitutes passing?

And quite frankly, why do transpeople feel a need to pass instead of just 'being' themselves?

Why do so many feel a need to dissociate themselves from their everyday realities in their gender quest?

I dont know.

What do you think?

karen_c · Posted: Jul 05, 2008 9:01 am Post subject:

Passing could be considered the ultimate goal and challenge. By nature humans are competive even with themselves - I don't and can't pass but that doesn't stop me from trying to be a little more feminine each time I go out.

We don't live in an ideal world where appearances don't matter and where we are not judged by how we look and what we wear so we need to play a role in order to be (and to be seen to be) the person we want to be or become.

It's the whole feminine package...not just being a guy wearing a dress because he likes wearing dresses in public - few enjoy running the risk of public ridicule and humiliation so I think we are intent on passing to the best of our ability in order to fit in better and minimise the risks.

I do my best but I am still being myself...I'm not sufficiently delusional to pretend I'm a catwalk model or one of the many great looking women I am so frequently envious of.

Helen_2 · Posted: Jul 06, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject:

A lot of ideas and beliefs have been expressed, and one which hasn't really come up is that we are our own harshest critics! In our seach for perfection we tend to neglect that perfection is the same as Maslow's theory of "self actualisation" which is the apex of his hierarchy of needs. In this case to reach self actualisation one doesn't need a body, the support systems for the body etc. In other words Self Actualistion only comes after death. I think that we strive for perfection as every woman does, we never attain it, neither do GGs!

Passing is a combination of our physical appearance, our deportment and most importantly how we feel in ourselves whilst dressed. I feel confident enough to go out at nights, have a walk etc. I am going to the Glamour ball which will be my first real event and outing in public as Helen. I am hoping the night before the ball that I go out and have a meal and night out dressed. Will I pass? Only I can really decide that. I am looking forward to both nights and if I pass, then it'll be my standards that dictate how successfully I do it.

Helen

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